92. The Untouchables

Brian De Palma, 1987

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a really great action movie. The morality of it, a film about a group of incorruptible cops, is admirable. The supporting cast is uniformly terrific. De Palma’s homage to Eisenstein’s Odessa Steps sequence is brilliant. Whatever. Really, though, I do agree with all of that, and they all contribute to why I like this movie so much. And, yes, Costner’s not very good in it. I agree. Still, I feel like getting right to the root of my love for this movie today and that root is Sean Connery. As much as Witness for the Prosecution is Charles Laughton’s movie, this is Connery’s. True, we’re several decades past Connery’s hey day, here. Clearly, the Bond movies are where he will always shine brightest and for which he will be best remembered. There are also other films from that time in Connery’s life that I love, such as Hitchcock’s Marnie, but what The Untouchables does, and I think this applies to audiences in general and not just me, is that Connery, a Connery with a beard and white hair, an old man, still kicks all sorts of ass. In The Untouchables, Connery plays the one straight cop in the whole department, back in prohibition era Chicago. His name is Jim Malone and for all his efforts to be honest, he remains, at his age, a beat cop and a damn good one. The man readily upstages Costner at every turn and is clearly as much of a bad ass as ever. He walks through the movie, head held high, fighting the good fight, acting as mentor to Elliot Ness and his Untouchables. Clearly, Connery came to the set of De Palma’s film to chew bubble gum and kick ass and he was all out of bubble gum. If you haven’t guessed, I’m in awe of just how cool he is here.

A big part of what makes any Connery movie and any Connery part, though, is the dialog. “Surely you’re joking,” “Bond. James Bond,” “Either, provided the collars match the cuffs,” “Well, one of us smells like a tart’s handkerchief,” “I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne,” “Why didn’t you send it to the Marx Brothers,” are just a few of my favorites, but The Untouchables has great Connery lines in spades. Admittedly, I have a little difficulty working some of these into everyday conversation, but, as those of you who know me can attest, I do manage to pull it off. Anyway, “They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way,” “Isn't that just like a wop? Brings a knife to a gun fight,” “Oh, yeah. He's as dead as Julius Caesar,” “Oh what the hell? You gotta die of something.” All great. I particularly like the one about the morgue. It’s a good thing to say whenever you’re going to Chicago, get to Chicago, someone asks you the way to Chicago, etc. Finally, there’s Connery’s death scene in this sucker. He’s sitting around the house one night when Capone’s men show up. Connery blows them away with a shotgun, but not before one of ‘em plugs him half a dozen times. So, there’s Connery, lying on the floor, full of holes, bleeding to death. He drags himself into the next room, writes Ness a rather lengthy note about what happened, and manages to stay alive, by sheer force of will, still lying on the floor, to wait for Ness to arrive to not only deliver the note personally, but have a little conversation. I hope I go half that well, because that, sir, is bad ass. That is Connery at his best.