Of Course, Click Sucked

Over in the Recently Seen Department
Wordplay
Patrick Creadon, 2006
This here is the documentary focusing on every aspect of the crossword puzzle, or, more properly, The New York Times crossword puzzle and its master mind, Will Shortz. It's an amiable documentary, taking a close look at the people and personalities behind what can only strenuously be called a phenomenon. Still, the authentic characters presented are almost entirely endearing and the film does make the uninitiated take a different look at how the puzzle works, spending a large amount of time on discerning themes and rethinking clues. There is also a parade of famous crossworders, including Jon Stewart, of the Daily Show, not the Green Lantern Corps, and former President Clinton. It's a fun affair and worth seeing, but perhaps waiting to see on HBO. It is the sort of film that will immediately appeal to two types, however. The first are crossword fans themselves, who will eat it up – my own Aunt Connie is a case in point. The second would be that snooty crowd which will spend the summer bypassing Superman Returns in favor of supposedly upscale and somewhat pretentious documentary fare. This is not to say that Wordplay is pretentious, far from it, but it does suffer from a bit of New York elitism, especially in its constant praise of the Times crossword. Don't get me wrong, I've been known to work a crossword or two myself, and the Times' is clearly the best, but I can't help but thinking that the film could have benefited from comparing the Times' to inferior puzzles and explaining exactly what makes the Times' crossword so exceptional.

An un-related side note, I saw Wordplay at the aptly named Edina Theater in Edina, Minnesota. This is the only theater I have ever been in with an escalator. Oddly, it's only an up escalator, though. There is no down. I don't have a joke, here. I just think it's really weird.

Rating: Four letter word for “not great,” begins with ‘O’


Click
Frank Coraci, 2006
Man, would I have like to fast forward through that! Ha ha ha. Seriously, it blew. Adam Sandler plays a guy who gets a universal remote control that can control anything: people, dogs, whatever. It sounds like a one note joke and it is. Click simply doesn't have any of the zaniness of Billy Maddison or Happy Gilmore, Sandler movies I actually kind of liked, but, instead, takes the Wedding Singer route of repetitive jokes married to an overly sentimental plot. Think It's a Wonderful Life forcefully crossbred with A Christmas Carol, but without any of the endearing characters or novelty. Oh, and replace The Wedding Singer's annoying 1980s setting, complete with incessant, oh, remember the '80s? style jokes with, oh, look, it's a cheesy future, with cheesier age make-up. There is also a painful subplot revolving around a series of dogs humping a stuffed duck. I suspect the high school crowd and fans of Wedding Singer Sandler (teenage girls) will love it. Those of us who yearn for the glory days of Opera Man will only say, "Bye-byeeeee!!!!!!!!!!"

Rating: Stop. Rewind. Eject.


Over the Hedge
Tim Johnson and Karey Kirkpatrick, 2006

Believe it or not, this is actually a pretty funny movie. Definitely solid dollar theater/it’s on TV fare. Much like Dreamworks’ earlier animated release Madagascar, it isn’t the most amazing thing ever and it hardly rivals Disney in any of it’s hey days, but it’s definitely as good as non-Pixar animation gets anymore. The usual cast of celebrity voices star as woodland foragers who suddenly find themselves surrounded by suburbia. Look out for William Shatner in a tour de Shatner performance as an Opossum for whom playing dead is an art.

Side note: I have to admit to wanted to see this much more than Cars. I love Pixar, but I’m just not feeling it for Cars. I’m sure it’s good, but I figure it’s probably more Monsters, Inc/A Bug’s Life good than Incredibles/Finding Nemo good.

Rating: Shatastic


Over in the Greatest Trailer of the Summer Department
Snakes on a Plane! Snakes on a Plane! Snakes on a mother fucking plane!

Rating: What more do I have to tell you people? Snakes on a Plane!

Over in the Unreasonably Hesitant Department
Digital Projection

So, I caught Click at the Carmike Theater in Oakdale, MN. Throughout the movie, something wasn’t sitting right. It all seemed to clean and just a little bit flat, as if the depth and detail of the image weren’t where it should be. Turns out, the theater (and I don’t know if it’s just this one or the whole Carmike chain) has gone digital. There isn’t an inch of film in the place. The movie is instead projected by a digital projector from a computer file.

No, sir, I don’t like it.

Honestly, I don’t really have any particular reasoning here or real argument about the superiority of film to digital projection, but it just doesn’t feel right. I almost feel like, if that’s what they’re going to do, maybe I should just watch a DVD at home. Same basic idea. Still, I’ll look into it and get back to you.

By the way, what was up with the look the manager gave me when I asked about getting literature about the system?


Over in the Eagerly Anticipated Department
Strangers with Candy

What? How can it not be Superman Returns? Well, Superman Returns is almost here kids (I figure I’ll see it on Thursday, Friday on the outside). So, instead of anticipating something I’ve been anticipating for, like, a year and is almost here, I think I’ll anticipate something that I didn’t even know I had to look forward to.

That’s right, Amy Sedaris’ fantastic Comedy Central series, Strangers with Candy, is coming to the big screen. Amy once again plays buck toothed, over the hill Jerri Blank, a self confessed “loser, user, and boozer,” who decides to enroll as a high school freshman at 46. Stephen Colbert, who also co-wrote, returns as maybe gay teacher Chuck Noblet with Paul Dinello coming back as maybe his boyfriend teacher Geof Jellineck. Best of all, my favorite character, the brusque and very, very black principal Onyx Blackman is also back. This is sure to be hilarious.


Over in the Obscure DVD Department
Yellowbeard
Mel Damski, 1983

The Hell? How did I miss this movie all these years? Not only is it about pirates, placing it in the illustrious company of films like Ice Pirates, but it was written by the great ex-Python Graham Chapman, presumably before he died, along with Peter Cook. Better yet, it stars Chapman and Cook alongside a veritable who’s who of actors, including Peter Boyle, Cheech and Chong, Marty Feldman, Eric Idle, the ever sexy Madeline Kahn, James Mason (!), John Cleese, Kenny Mars, and even Spike Milligan. Holy shit! This is like the primarily British It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad world of the eighties! I must see it!

Rating: Awaiting


Over in the Exploitation DVD Department
Tawny Kitaen in Gwendoline
Just Jaeckin, 1984

From the director of one of my dirty old man grandfather’s favorites, Emmanuelle, comes Gwendoline, aka The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak. Man, some days I wish I was just sleazy enough to walk into a store and buy this, let alone watch it. Not only does it almost certainly involve Tawny Kitaen’s breasts, which we were cruely denied in Bachelor Party, it also sounds really retarded. This is the honest to God plot summary from IMDB:
Gwendoline arrives in China in a box, and is helped out of her immediate predicament by a female contact and a devil-may-care adventurer. She's on a mission to find her father, who was last seen searching for a rare butterfly in the Land of the Yik Yak. They confront the evil Cheops in an attempt to find Gwen's lost father and the butterfly, and face many other challenges to their mission.

Oh, to be just a little more morally corrupt! Anyway, we all know what the focus of this movie is. With a director who calls himself Just Jaeckin, swear to God, how could it be about anything but?

Rating: Three boxes of tissue.


Over in the False Advertising Department
The Double D Avenger
William Winckler, 2001

I know what you’re thinking, how can I possibly justify buying this thing when I shy away from Tawny Kitaen in all her goodness? Well, the answer is simple, Joe Bob. This is the second release in the Joe Bob Briggs Presents line of DVDs. The previous release, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter wasa fantastic, by the way. The reason for buying this is not, as would be the case with Tawny, Mr. Jaeckin, but Joe Bob his very self providing audio commentary. Think Mystery Science Theater with Joe Bob in the theater. Funny stuff and, frankly, the idea of Joe Bob waxing (is that the word I want to use?) about a boobie movie just seemed too good to pass up. Don’t get me wrong, Joe Bob was spot on, as usual, but the movie wasn’t. You’d think a movie with a name like this would involve a bunch of nubile chickadees running around topless. Not so! Instead, we’re greated by the four top heavy stars who are all over fifty. Yikes! Of course, we don’t see anything, um, unleashed, but it’s probably best that way. If nothing else, though, it makes you wonder, as Joe Bob points out, why would you even bother making a movie like this with ladies like that? Oh, well. Thankfully, Joe Bob keeps it entertaining with a steady stream of wit and bizarre facts. For example, this is not the first film to feature someone knocked out blackjack style with a boob.

Rating: Saggy.

Join me next week when I’ll almost certainly have seen Superman Returns.