49. The Muppet Movie

James Frawley, 1979

“Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.”

My friends, I’d like to begin today’s column by asking you a question. Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And, while we’re on the subject, what’s on the other side? You know, that opening crane sequence, as the camera descends into the swamp and we find Kermit, amiable green, felt Muppet that he is, sitting on a log, singing this sweet song (which calls the young sailor), well, it’s indelibly etched into my mind. In fact, I so associate this scene with this movie, and with the Muppets in general, that I usually forget that the movie has a whole prelude framing the film as one which the Muppets are themselves watching along with us. It is, as Kermit tells nephew Robin, the story of how the Muppets got together. . . more or less. This movie warms my heart in really absurd ways. I know I went on just yesterday about how heartwarming It’s a Wonderful Life is, and it is, but this one really just does it for me. If you’re watching The Muppet Movie, there’s a smile on your face. End of story. There’s something so perfectly innocent and pure, yet decidedly sophisticated about each and every on of these felt brainchildren of the great Jim Henson, that they immediately speak to you, with both humor and emotion, in a way that most human actors can’t.

Not that the human element is anything to scoff at. Certainly, the Muppets wouldn’t be half of what they are without guys like Dave Goelz, Frank Oz, and, most importantly, Jim Henson. Indeed, ever since Jim passed on, the Muppets haven’t been the same. Oh, sure, there have been some bright spots, A Muppet Christmas Carol is really pretty good, but there have been a lot of down spots, too: Muppets from Space. Still, I respect Brian Henson for carrying on the torch and continuing to give Kermit life. Jim may be gone, but there’s something reassuring in Kermit enduring. Let’s not forget the other humans of this picture though. Without contest, The Muppet Movie has the single finest line up of cameo talent to ever grace the silver screen. Let’s run ‘em down. We get Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy, the grand daddy of all puppets in their final screen appearance, which couldn’t have been more appropriate, Milton Berle as Madman Mooney (I don’t care what you say, every time that Mad Eye Mooney character showed up in Harry Potter and Who Gives a Shit Anymore, I thought of good ol’ Mad Eye Mooney bossing Sweetums around), Mel Brooks as the German scientist, complete with “Prof” written on the back of his coat in Blazing Saddles fashion (“When a German scientist tells you to hold on to your hat, it’s not casual conversation. HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! HAT! HOLD! Good.”), James Coburn as the owner of the El Sleezo, Dom DeLuise as Bernie the Agent, Elliot Gould presenting Miss Piggy with a beauty pageant trophy, Bob Hope selling dragonfly ripple ice cream, Madeline Kahn, whose concern about getting warts from Kermit sparks one of the film’s many great recurring gags: “It’s a myth! A myth!” A young girl pops up, “Yes?”, Steve Martin as a waiter (“Would you like to smell the bottle cap?”), Richard Pryor as the balloon vendor (“Gah-gah, gah-gah.”), Telly Savalas as Madeline Kahn’s boyfriend, Orson Welles as the studio executive who draws up the “standard rich and famous contract for Kermit the Frog and company,” and Paul Williams, who not only wrote the great original songs, but who may as well be a Muppet himself, as the El Sleezo piano player. Then there’s the whole who’s who of Muppets, from Lew Zealand and his fantastic boomerang fish to Big Bird in his own cameo.

God in heaven, do I love this movie. I really don’t know what else to say. It’s good for yourself, for your sweetie, for the kids, the old folks, even harden cons. Still, I think I’ll give the last words to Beaker: “Meep meep meep meep meep meeee meep meeep meep meep meepp meep meep.” Well said, Beaker. Well said.