I Love You, Ricky Bobby

From the All Jacked Up on Mountain Dew Department

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Adam McKay, 2006

Dear tiny little eight pound, six ounce Jesus, I want to thank you for giving us Ricky Bobby. Talladega Nights is everything I hoped it could be. It’s a really solid comedy with some fantastic bits, particularly ones involving vulgar children, a knife in the leg, and invisible fire, and hilarious performances from Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly (who has previously starred in The Hours, Chicago, Gangs of New York, and The Aviator – four best picture nominees) and Michael Clark Duncan (who has previously starred in The Green Mile, Daredevil, Armageddon, The Scorpion King, and Planet of the Apes – one best picture nominee and four turdburgers). Unlike Anchorman, which I though was incredibly uneven, Talladega Nights (which, by the way, is a title I’m already having trouble remembering and will almost certainly take to calling Ricky Bobby) is pretty consistent, which is great. There are a lot fewer cameos here and a lot fewer unrelated segments. There is also a little less going on as far as total absurdist comedy, which is a bit of a disappointment, but it does make the movie work better. I don’t have any doubt that this will be this generation’s Billy Madison or at least it’s Happy Gilmore.

Rating: Funny Stuff

From the Fixer-Upper Department

Monster House
Gil Kenan, 2006

Going into Monster House, you expect the film to be a bit like Snakes on a Plane, with the title telling you everything you need to know. What’s Monster House about? A monster house. Next. What’s surprising, though, is how much mileage the film gets out of the concept. This is due in no small part to what is really exceptionally clever writing, especially for a children’s/family film in this day and age. The movie doesn’t pander or pull punches, but offers some genuine scares and even humor, making it the perfect introduction to the world of horror for the Disney Channel set and an amusing diversion for older viewers. Anyway, the film follows DJ, your typical just outside of popular kiddie protagonist and his friend Chowder, who is, admittedly, a little like Chunk warmed over, but without the Truffle Shuffle. Well, DJ lives across the street from an old dude who doesn’t like kids on his lawn and has spent the last few decades taking away kites, trikes, ikes, and mikes from poor little kids. Soon enough, DJ intrudes on the old man’s lawn and the old man has a fit, resulting in a heart attack or something and he falls dead on top of DJ. After this, the house goes berserk, taking on any number of human characteristics and using its rug tongue to snatch up any number of victims. DJ and Chowder team up with a prep school girl to take on the house, which they of course assume is possessed by the now dead old man. And if that were all there was to the movie, it would be serviceable, although nothing special. Luckily, the film adds some nice humor and character bits as well as an excellent, sympathetic twist regarding the secret origin of the house that really bumps it up to the next level. It’s good stuff and, I think, would make a fine double feature with Goonies for a lazy Saturday afternoon.

Rating: Scary Good

From the Topless Vampire Department

Lifeforce
Tobe Hooper, 1985

Naked space she vampires. You heard me. Naked space she vampires. That right there is pretty much what Lifeforce is all about. Director Tobe Hooper leaves the backwoods terror of his first big hit, the immortal Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and takes us into space onboard the space shuttle Churchill. You see, the crew of the Churchill has been charged with giving Haley’s Comet the once over, but, when they tool out to deep space, they find a two mile long alien zucchini in the comet’s tale. Just like you would expect, the astronauts, led by Colonel Tom, board the zucchini. On board are a bunch of floating, dead bat dudes and three naked humanoids in Tupperware containers. The lead humanoid is the very busty and very naked Mathilda May. Well, our intrepid astronauts bring the hot chick back to their shuttle because, well, who wouldn’t. Cut to a few weeks later as the shuttle coasts into Earth orbit, with everyone on board, except Mathilda, burnt to a crisp. Once the rescue astronauts see everyone is dead but that a busty chick and her two boy toys (all still fresh sealed) are still alive they use logic to reach the conclusion that the busty alien chick probably fried ‘em all. Wait, what am I saying, of course they don’t! They get one look at Ms May’s giant Mathildas and cart her back to earth, where she quickly French kisses a British doctor to death, turning him into Brit jerky. Mathilda runs around the compound naked for awhile while Mr. Jerky actually comes back to life and French kisses another dude to death. Are you getting the vampire part now? While the whole pseudo-vampire plague starts to sweep London, Col. Tom crashes back to Earth in an escape pod and hooks up with Col. Caine (some British guy and not, as you’d hope, Lloyd Bridges reprising his awesome Battlestar Galactica role) to go searching for Mathilda, because why wouldn’t you? One thing leads to another and Mathilda possess a busty Irish chick (alright) and Patrick Stewart (oh no) before her plan to kill/turn into vampires everyone in London reaches it’s peak and she and Col. Tom bump uglies in a church basement. All of this with a score by Henry Mancini.

Rating: Sucks